I want to have your abortion
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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