I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
