Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
