So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
