How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
