I'm so fucking centered right now
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
