Moan for me like Helen Keller
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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