I puked a lego.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
