i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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