I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
