If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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