No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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