i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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