Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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