capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
