Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
