Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
