please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
