so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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