Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize