im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
