Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
