Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
