I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
