i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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