I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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