do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you never un-have a 4some
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
