his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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