I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
