Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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