Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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