Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
