i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you traded sex for a burrito?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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