And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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