Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
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I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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