I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
