Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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