so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
