They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
