what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
