Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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