The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
