I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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