i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
