who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
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I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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