I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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