Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
