so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Where did you get a picture of my penis
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
