Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
