He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
