I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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