Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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