Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
