I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
