i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
