I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
