I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
