i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
