Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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