What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm too high and old for this...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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