I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His hands were made for my vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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