Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
