i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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