My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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