My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
