If that was your dad, he is hot
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
