So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
