I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
