I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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