I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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