yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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