Cold hands, warm shart.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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