did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Please don't give away my fajitas
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
