I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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