Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
