I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
