FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize