Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
