first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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