I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
