We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
