When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
