Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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